Still Jinxed, but Happy Anyway

A perfect week gone by without a hint of work. Its never been that long, I think. Its funny: I normally get all worked up thinking about my dismal career. I don’t anymore. The pills must really work!

This is interesting actually. My career is in ruins but I don’t feel bad about it anymore. Its a messed up placed to be isn’t it? Anyway I have till the end of July to get my mind cleared up and leave this all behind me. I am really looking forward to start a new life from scratch and this time pay more attention to relationships. Thats something I’ve sucked at miserably. I wonder how many friends I have lost because of my snobby personality. I would like to attribute it to my depression. But I’m pretty sure its been an inherent nature of mine.

I’m not afraid to talk about my depression anymore. I was always afraid people would take it the wrong way: either that I have gone mad or that I was just being needy or something. I never could understand it myself. I thought I was being a gutless, lazy pig. I loathed being me with each passing day, for years. I didn’t know why I was down most of the time. I didn’t know why I’d just burst out crying for the silliest reasons and sometimes for no reason at all. I cannot mention everything I had to go through, most of it is too horrifying for me to mention here. For the first time I feel for the millions of people out there who are much worse off than me, people who are really debilitated by this disease.

Not many people think of clinical depression as something to be treated medically like a cold or fever. There is a difference between just being down or having the blues and depression caused due to certain biochemical / hormonal disturbances. Most people do not realize that. Its a shame. The social stigma attached to it is prevalent the world over. My own family could not deal with it. Most of my friends don’t know about it. I’m pretty sure I’d either be rejected or bombarded with religious clap-trap.

For now I’d just like anyone who is reading this to know, depression is not something you have to hide. Get help before its too late or help someone else you know who may be depressed. Its not the end of the world though it may feel like it. Life may be pointless but since you are here anyway you might as well enjoy the ride.

It actually feels very weird to write optimistic crap like this. I think I’m enjoying being even cornier than before if my previous post is any indication.

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